An original feature on overcoming self-abuse to find the romance you deserve, from a happily re-married abuse survivor. 1,000 to 2,000 words

Why Pick Mayo

Unlike so many women, I didn’t become a statistic – instead, I dropped over 200 pounds in record time and left the abuser for good in a mere 3 years. As someone who raised herself due to a lack of her family’s involvement, this included figuring out a lot of things many people take for granted and often overlook.


The Box

Abusers are able to keep you on a string by managing your perceptions. They believe every word of it too.

Abusers are so convincing because they believe their own bull. It’s their value system. They really do believe, in some inconspicuous place, that the world is a scary and cruel punishment so they must beat you down to stand up to it.

It’s nonsensical because it is not evaluated.

But they’re convincing, because they’re convinced. So you believe it. You believe their delusion of the world. You believe there’s nothing ‘out there’ for you. Nothing better, at least. And certainly nothing you deserve or dream, mostly because you don’t deserve better.

Is it any more logical to base your perceptions on such limited evidence? This is one man. One family. One childhood. There’s at least 4 Billion more where that came from, you know.

And I’m a walking guarantee there’s a whole world of better waiting just for you, but it is governed by the Rule of Self-Fulfillment.

Only you are capable of creating your happiness. That means if you don’t feel like you deserve it – you do things to feel like you’ve earned it… like reminding yourself of all the good you’ve done for others. Like smiling at the stranger who passed the other way on the sidewalk.

Do you have any idea the hormonal effect it has to see a smile? You didn’t just make their day – you lengthened their life by another one, if they returned the smile.

You do more good than you realize. Just being Present is often the Gift.

I know it can be hard to think beyond yourself right now, but you need to see more smiles. Broaden your horizons. Find some real-life power couple that you can sit in with and observe. At worst, pick up a good autobiography, and then look for mentors. Good mentors.

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